The morning after
Why is it that your thoughts are so much more clear AFTER an event has taken place rather than during? Even if you can remain completely calm and collective, there is always something you missed...one of those, "Oh yeah...shoot, I should've added that, or said that, or not said this...dadadada" I guess that's the value of hindsight, huh. Maybe the fact that you are NO longer in the said situation, it relieves a certain stress factor, freeing the mind to flow w/ thoughts... If I only had a time machine, so I could go to the hindsight stage and THEN deal w/ the situation...he he he, but wouldn't that be cheating? Maybe if I can just imagine what the hindsight would be...yeah...I think I'm onto something...

One-way streets...
I hate myself...It sucks when feelings or thoughts aren't reciprocated. I've been on both ends of that spectrum, and there isn't one side I lean to more than the other, becuase they weigh equally on the suckiness scale. I've actually had another encounter w/ this type of experience recently, and really...I hate having to deal w/ that. It just sucks...there's no positive...well, somewhere, there MUST be, but i haven't seen it yet. Maybe it's a way to move forward...taking that step...whatever. so to make a long story short...I hate myself...I am a jerk.

Sidebar
This was added because my brother was consoling me about it...and made me feel better...
I know it's not your fault if you can't reciprocate, because you're not doing anything wrong, it would be wrong to lie about it. But you can't help initial reactions...the point is to get over it...and grow up. So I am no longer 5'1" I am 6'0" tall...okay okay, I know, I'm getting carried away...